Tackling Tinder: Dating Online

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This is a blog post about my experience using the app Tinder. I am a cisgendered heterosexual female, and this is my experience. I am not speaking on behalf of everyone using Tinder, and don’t wish to speak or comment on anyone else’s experiences using the app. All comments, stories, and experiences are welcome and appreciated. Also, I am not sponsored by Tinder. This is just an account of my own experiences.

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I’ve been on Tinder twice in my life. Once, right now, and the second time was six months ago. Before signing up, I was really nervous, because of the reputation that Tinder has for being an app primarily for hookups and dick pics. Still, I thought I best give it a chance, as if I never try I won’t know.

So six months ago I made an account and started swiping. First of all, most of the guys on there seemed like genuine profiles, and quite a few of them had stated in their bio section “not just here for hookups” which I was surprised about. Another thing I was surprised about was that I actually matched with people. I was quite liberal with my ‘right swipe’ thinking “oh, he’s cute. But he probably won’t match with me” and it turns out a lot of them did. In my first week on Tinder, I racked up about fifty matches. As someone who has always been quite self-conscious and awkward in the dating game, it’s safe to say it was a massive ego boost.

And I actually met someone too! Carter*, who was gorgeous, funny and into all the same things as me. I’ve never hit the ground running with someone as much as I did with Carter and we had a really good time getting to know each other. It didn’t work out romantically but we remain great friends, and he was part of the reason I decided to go back on Tinder. If I could find someone like him, who I clicked with so instantly, then surely it would be worth going back and seeing who else I could meet.

So I did. I re-downloaded the app and remade a profile.

Clare, 25, Supervisory Assistant, Studied at the University of Winchester.

Once again, most of the guys on there were genuine, looking to meet people and talk, nothing serious but nothing casual either. People like me, seeing who’s out there. The first three days I was on Tinder again, I matched with about twenty people, which I was very flattered and boosted by.

Would I recommend Tinder to a friend? Absolutely. Although I have a life, I lead a simple life. I get up, go to work, come home from work, potter around the house, maybe do some laundry, maybe go to Tesco… but of course, I’m not looking for a potential match in Tesco. I’m staring at a jar of green olives and a jar of black olives, wondering which one I should get and asking myself why they don’t do a tin of mixed olives?! So Tinder, in some ways, seems like the way forward. I get to meet and chat with people I wouldn’t have met if I hadn’t signed up. People from a few towns over whose paths I would never have crossed.

I think that’s pretty awesome.

(I will, however, mention that most profiles I’ve seen, people really love to travel, love to ski and snowboard and like to put their height in their bio section! Some people might not write anything at all, and if you match with someone, they might not ever message you. And with some profiles, thanks to pictures with more than one person in, you might not know who said profile belongs to!)

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*Names have been changed to protect identities.

Dear Clare, please help. Love Me x

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My ASK box is now OPEN. Today, I am launching the Agony Aunt feature on my Tumblr, where you can ask me questions, send me queries and in return I’ll try and help.

I’ve been told frequently over the years that I give good advice and I’ve always aspired to be an Agony Aunt, so today I thought why not. Life has handed me generous dollops of bad luck, and I’ve emerged from the ashes stronger each time. I’m not claiming to know the meaning of life, or how to cure unrequited love, or how to bring someone back from the dead, but hopefully I’ll be able to put some of my life experience to good use.

You can visit my ASK box here with questions, queries or just a place to rant! And here is my FAQ page for everything you need to know 🙂

blue butterfly – give into love, or live in fear

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Something I have realised from my experiences with the world, is that there are many ways to love. You can love some-one, or some-thing. Even if it’s a person, there is friend-love, family-love, love-love, but even love-love isn’t as black and white as it is sometimes portrayed. One is not simply “in love” or “not in love”, and it certainly is never as easy as a Facebook relationship status.

I have felt many different types of romantic love over the years. Some love is beyond all definition, and yet others make you feel as though you could burst with expression. For example, I have loved with every fiber of my being. I have loved until my chest felt as though it were to collapse in on me, to the point where it defies logic and reasoning. I have loved so passionately that I can scarcely breathe. I have loved so passionately that it haunts my soul.

On another note, I have also loved in tandem. I have felt quite literally as though I have another half. I have loved with full commitment to a union, a partnership, though don’t mistake this as a love without feeling. This love is matched with unquestioning loyalty, and met with definitive contentment. It is, ultimately, a marriage of souls.

Many people often ask “how many times have you been in love?” but that question is far too shallow. Love can be fleeting, and also everlasting, in many, many forms. I’ve learnt to never correlate quality and quantity when it comes to love. Many people spend years in a loveless marriage, and yet memories of passionate flings can last a lifetime.

Ultimately, I’ve learnt that no one can ever tell you how to love, or what kind of love matters, because all love matters, and it only matters to you.