blue butterfly – homesick

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You are silent.

Ruby lips to stomach,

a curved grin, you disappear

between my thighs.

The clock ticks.

 

We talked, we agreed,

and now I’m homesick

for a place that doesn’t exist.

Take it all, every last bit

that’s fighting,

don’t even look back.

 

 

I want you to see

my bones

that touched you,

that lay next to you.

 

I want to take

that piece of heart

that beats for you,

scrape away the skin

that you touched.

 

I want to cut off

the hair that you entangled your fingers in.

I want to grow a new body

that you have never touched.

 

I want to push out

those feelings I had,

I want to stop remembering

how you looked at me

and the feeling

of skin against skin.

 

I want it to rain

and wash away

every bit of you that is left.

I want it to cleanse me

of your touch,

of the way your mouth brushes

against mine

with your hot slick breath.

 

I want to be sick.

I want to throw this up

and get you out

out of me,

out from inside of me,

out from every part of me

that you held.

 

People will ask,

and I will feel so ashamed.

 

I can still feel you here.

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